Melting Bricks

As you may have noticed (or not), there were no horoscopes for December; and January was starting to look like it would go the same way. Of course, I could blame my own lazyness (it runs in the family), or the fact I have a lot of extralegotal work (hey, I do), or whatever.

Instead, I prefer to give you the real reason why there were no horoscopes recently.

You didn’t get any horoscopes because:

Aries

LEGO decided to use bricks instead of stars for their new online rating system, so the stars are mad at LEGO.

Taurus

The stars are on writer’s strike.

Gemini

You would have forgotten to read it anyway.

Cancer

Indiana Jones stole my divination orb, mistaking it for some ancient artifact.

Leo

The stars knew what you were about to get for Christmas and didn’t want to disappoint you.

Virgo

Eurobricks predicts the future of LEGO much longer in advance anyway.

Libra

The stars were busy showing the way to the Three Kings, who still don’t have a GPS.

Scorpio

Your immediate future was too predictable: you were going to buy a lot of LEGO, like every month. Maybe more.

Sagittarius

The stars are considering a new LEGO-based horoscope system, in which your sign would be “Jack Stone”.

Capricorn

The cat ate the horoscopes draft version.

Aquarius

You forgot to renew your subscription to Melting Bricks.

Pisces

The stars were captured by the good wizard to decorate his hat.

Best wishes for 2008!

Aries

“Let those who never bought Mega Bloks throw me the first brick” is not a valid defense. There are a lot of such people, and you will get bricked to death.

Taurus

Spammers know you so well they will send you emails about enlarging your brick.

Gemini

You will fall under the weight of your event nametag. Try limiting yourself to 1×8 bricks like everyone else, maybe.

Cancer

You will rebel against building instructions and open all bags of your new set at the same time; and you will even go as far as building it on carpet. Or grass.

Leo

You will be cornered by a Bionicle designer who will complain about Exo-force for hours.

Virgo

You will be ready to preorder a thousand of Belville battle packs as soon as LEGO announce it. They probably won’t, though.

Libra

The LEGO marketing department will consider doing an impulse set at a 100$ price point just to match your definition of impulse buy.

Scorpio

You will spend hours trying to find out when “The 50 year brick” is coming to the theater.

Sagittarius

Someone will again publish a MOC based on your own secret design. Start searching your house for cameras.

Capricorn

You will use a troll minifig image as avatar on the Internet forums you visit. It suits you well, actually.

Aquarius

It’s a good thing you get free t-shirts at events, considering your fellow LUG friends will again rip your clothes off you for fun.

Pisces

The heads of all your Technic figures will be mysteriously replaced by Fabuland animal heads.

Aries

Each time you ask for random galleries on brickshelf, you’ll only get Jack Stone stuff.

Taurus

You’ll find yourself surrounded by no less than 5 LEGO ambassadors. Don’t worry, they’re quite friendly, but try to stay out of the way when they hug.

Gemini

You’ll hear a very big secret, but it won’t be about LEGO, so the stars don’t quite care.

Cancer

You will get lost in LEGOworld by trying to avoid the Jetix party area.

Leo

Unfortunately, your horoscope for this month happens to be in Danish. Which means it sounds like complete gibberish.

Virgo

A new LEGO calculator with a power function will be available, and you will be the first to buy it.

Libra

You will get a LEGO Millenium Falcon for your birthday. The mini one.

Scorpio

You don’t see how people could be excited about new track geometry. Geometry was hard enough for you in school.

Sagittarius

There’s no such thing as having too much LEGO, no matters what the signs are.

Capricorn

Thanks to LEGO, it turns out there is some kind of purity in you after all.

Aquarius

You will mix up Ole Kirk and James T. Kirk, and will get a beating both by LEGO fans and Star Trek fans.

Pisces

You may be a 12v zealot, but now is really not a good time to brag about it.