Melting Bricks

Aries

Although you won’t admit buying even one Belville advent calendar, the stars know you’re the one responsible for the sell-out.

Taurus

Bricklink knows better than you which items you want, and will send you countless emails to remind you of it.

Gemini

You’ll be very disappointed when everyone you know, when asked “what’s 50 years old this year and has entertained children ever since”, answers “Why, the smurfs, or course”.

Cancer

Your Ikea bill will be higher than your LEGO bill this month. Shame on you!

Leo

You’ll receive the only unbuildable set ever produced by LEGO.

Virgo

You will order the new mail van, but it will get lost in the mail.

Libra

Buying a large house to accomodate for your LEGO is understandable. A bigger car might make sense. But bigger shoes?

Scorpio

LEGO will release the protocol used in remote-controlled 12V train points, but even that will be too technical for you to understand.

Sagittarius

Wearing a short-sleeved checked shirt is a nice tribute to the 50 years of LEGO, but unless you live in the southern hemispher, all you’ll get is a serious cold.

Capricorn

No, that’s not ABS granulate falling from the sky. It’s just snow.

Aquarius

Despite your attempts to do some tourism in Belgium, all your hosts will be able to talk to you about is LEGO. Well, there’s a chance you might get to eat actual belgian fries, but that’s about it.

Pisces

With all these new windows and doors, your heating bill will reach new heights. If only LEGO knew about insulated glazing…

As you may have noticed (or not), there were no horoscopes for December; and January was starting to look like it would go the same way. Of course, I could blame my own lazyness (it runs in the family), or the fact I have a lot of extralegotal work (hey, I do), or whatever.

Instead, I prefer to give you the real reason why there were no horoscopes recently.

You didn’t get any horoscopes because:

Aries

LEGO decided to use bricks instead of stars for their new online rating system, so the stars are mad at LEGO.

Taurus

The stars are on writer’s strike.

Gemini

You would have forgotten to read it anyway.

Cancer

Indiana Jones stole my divination orb, mistaking it for some ancient artifact.

Leo

The stars knew what you were about to get for Christmas and didn’t want to disappoint you.

Virgo

Eurobricks predicts the future of LEGO much longer in advance anyway.

Libra

The stars were busy showing the way to the Three Kings, who still don’t have a GPS.

Scorpio

Your immediate future was too predictable: you were going to buy a lot of LEGO, like every month. Maybe more.

Sagittarius

The stars are considering a new LEGO-based horoscope system, in which your sign would be “Jack Stone”.

Capricorn

The cat ate the horoscopes draft version.

Aquarius

You forgot to renew your subscription to Melting Bricks.

Pisces

The stars were captured by the good wizard to decorate his hat.

Best wishes for 2008!

Aries

“Let those who never bought Mega Bloks throw me the first brick” is not a valid defense. There are a lot of such people, and you will get bricked to death.

Taurus

Spammers know you so well they will send you emails about enlarging your brick.

Gemini

You will fall under the weight of your event nametag. Try limiting yourself to 1×8 bricks like everyone else, maybe.

Cancer

You will rebel against building instructions and open all bags of your new set at the same time; and you will even go as far as building it on carpet. Or grass.

Leo

You will be cornered by a Bionicle designer who will complain about Exo-force for hours.

Virgo

You will be ready to preorder a thousand of Belville battle packs as soon as LEGO announce it. They probably won’t, though.

Libra

The LEGO marketing department will consider doing an impulse set at a 100$ price point just to match your definition of impulse buy.

Scorpio

You will spend hours trying to find out when “The 50 year brick” is coming to the theater.

Sagittarius

Someone will again publish a MOC based on your own secret design. Start searching your house for cameras.

Capricorn

You will use a troll minifig image as avatar on the Internet forums you visit. It suits you well, actually.

Aquarius

It’s a good thing you get free t-shirts at events, considering your fellow LUG friends will again rip your clothes off you for fun.

Pisces

The heads of all your Technic figures will be mysteriously replaced by Fabuland animal heads.